Tag Archives: inspiration

I feel you, and it hurts

YesI love this quote. Because it is exactly my life. All the time.

I love how a necktie on a mannequin can inspire a color palette for a design idea. I know (and so does Mike) that I’m most likely going to break down into tears overwhelmed by the beauty/stillness/sadness/love/passion in paintings when we visit art museums. I am way too happy to walk the aisles of the linen section feeling the blankets, testing for the ultimate in softness. I accept that I can get overly happy for others I barely know because they’re excited about something wonderful happening to them. It’s weird; but it’s fun being joyful like that.

Sadly, there is a dark side to being so sensitive. Every good thing about being highly sensitive ying yangs with something not as inspiring or happy. There is an exhausting, depressing, harmful side that when unchecked can take me down a rough road. Because being this sensitive is my life, it is a constant struggle to balance the beautiful inspiration everywhere and feeling everybody’s everything. It’s exhausting because this is my life all the time.

All.

The.

Time.

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So when things hit the fan, I have to be careful. Or down the yellowed with grime brick road I go. I still struggle to protect myself from “bad energy” (I hate using quotes as if it’s just a metaphor for something that’s not really true). This last week was a doozy energy-wise.

I finally had to check myself because I could feel this pull – exhaustion, feeling sick, struggling through the brain fog. I checked in with a friend, too, who understands my sensitivity all too well. We agreed that I was not protecting myself from negative elements around me.

My friend and I had lunch. He got me soup. It’s over 90 degrees right now in Florida. But that soup was life giving. It was like eating soup when you have a bad cold, shivering with fever. It fills you with warmth. I swear my friend put a dose of healing energy into that soup too. He’s cool that way; magical even. By the time we broke to go back to work I felt much better. He helped me get some clarity, release the monkeys I was trying to corral, and embrace the only monkey I have ANY control over: Me.

Then I had 5 days to myself. Five glorious, detoxifying days to myself. I feel so much better. Mentally/emotionally it was easier to maneuver in life today. I’m still grateful for being able to feel the texture of colors and see music. But I am grateful to have a friend (friends) who help me realize when I’m spiraling, when I don’t need to know something because it really doesn’t have anything to do with me, and encourage me when inspiration strikes. Because, for all the bad of sensitivity, there is the beauty. I choose to embrace the beauty as much as I possibly can.

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Oprah and Elizabeth Gilbert

10401219_53874611937_6380_nI confess, I like Oprah. I think she truly wants people to understand themselves better. I think she wants the world to be a happy place. I think she’s right on track with her Super Soul Sunday series. So much wisdom from so many people from all over the world. I always feel like I’m searching for who I am, what my purpose is in this world, and all that fun stuff.

I could not pass up taking the How to Uncover the Talents Only You Can Offer The World: A little exercise to put you on the path to self-knowledge exercise on Oprah’s website. I’m taking this quiz mostly because of the very first question.

1. What did you love to do in junior high? (That’s me in 9th grade) My best friend Tina and I embodied all things Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. We might not have dressed like Bill and Ted but we certainly spoke like them. I was Bill and she was Ted. We’d address each other as Bill and Ted. “Ted, it’s bogus that you can’t come to the party on Saturday!” “Bill, surely it is.” We even performed as Bill and Ted in our English class while reading our synopsis of the previous day’s class.

2. Why do you think you really loved that activity? (Maybe reading gave you a glimpse into others’ lives, or running track freed your mind and put you in the zone.) I loved being part of Bill and Ted’s excellent adventure in Enterprise, AL because Tina understood, accepted and encouraged my goofiness. It made her laugh. It made me laugh. It made other people laugh. I was extremely happy.

3. What gives you that much joy now? I still absolutely love making people laugh. And I still absolutely love making silly voices and doing bad impressions.

4. What deeper desire do you think that activity fulfills for you? It makes me happy to see other people happy. When I’m laughing I’m not worrying about anything. Inevitably if I’ve made someone else laugh I’m laughing too.

5. If you had six months to spend any way you’d like, what would you do? I would take a class in improv.

6. What were the last three things you read, watched, or saw that fascinated you? What do they have in common? (If it’s a detective novel, a nature documentary, and an investigative report about campaign funds, maybe you love to delve deeply into a subject to examine it from every angle.) I watched too many YouTube videos of Ricky Gervais because I love his laugh. It’s infectious and he’s a comic genius. I’m listening to upbeat music that has a lot of sass (Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass). The things I’m choosing to participate in are all upbeat and lively things. Things that makes me feel really good.

7. What are three adjectives your friends would use to describe you? Quirky, definitely. Funny, hopefully. Sincere.

8. What are three adjectives you’d use to describe yourself? Weird. Silly. Sincere.

9. Name the things that most relax you, excite you, move you, and delight you. Relax me: reading, sitting at the beach, yoga. Excite me: good movies (especially Sci-Fi), knowing that I have something fun coming up (a trip to Atlanta to see my Adult BFF Sarah so we can decorate for Halloween). Move me: reading, music, looking at art. Delight me: seeing someone’s joy coming through. laughing, swapping stories about life.

10. What do you consider your best quality? Are you showing it off as often as you could? I think my best quality is my desire to make the people around me happy. Not to placate them to my detriment. I like happy people. I like helping people be happy. Sometimes my depression gets in the way and I forget that if I’m laughing I can’t be depressed. I also hold back around people I don’t know very well because I’m afraid I’m not as neat as I think I am. I am still learning even after almost 40 years that what other people think about me is their business and not mine. I need to be me and not what other people think I need to be like.

Day 1 of “The Magic”

Day 1 Count Your Blessings

Every day I should wake up and count my blessings (or do it as soon as I possibly can). “You will have heard people say to count your blessings, and when you think about the things you’re grateful for, that’s exactly what you’re doing” (Byrne 2012). Okay. I agree, it is pretty good practice to be grateful for the things and people you have in your life. Being grateful for what I have has made me less “needy” for other things. I feel more content with my life and I’m happier.

When you’re grateful for the things you have, no matter how small they may be, you will see those things instantly increase” (Byrne 2012). This is where my skepticism kicks in, what I’m going to have to fight if I’m going to really give “The Magic” a shot. I’m very grateful for my furkids but I don’t really want any more of them right now. Four is enough!

Today’s instruction is  to count my blessings by writing out a list of things I am grateful for; it is suggested that I keep all my gratitude in one place. That’s not really explained, but maybe I’ll transfer my gratitude list from this post to my journal. I’m also instructed to explain why I’m grateful. So I need to write a list of 10 things I’m grateful for and why. Then after I’m done writing my 10 things I should read them aloud or in my head. At the end of reading each blessing I need to say or “think thank you, thank you, thank you and feel the gratitude for that blessing” as much as I possibly can (Byrne, 2012).

I can also feel more gratitude by giving thanks to “the Universe, God, Spirit,  goodness, life, your greater self, or any other concept” I am drawn to (Byrne, 2012). (This is the second part of my skepticism I have to shed. I’m not one of those people who believe that we all need to believe in God, but I have a hard time seeing Universe, Spirit and my greater self on the same level as God. Again, that is a personal thing.) Byrne writes that when we direct our gratitude towards something we will feel our gratitude even more, and our gratitude will have more power, and “create even more magic!” (2012).

Every day for the next 27 days I’m to add 10 more items to my list of things I’m grateful for. This will help me recognize all the things I have to be grateful for. There is a list of “Magic Gratitude Subjects” to help me get started. They are: health and  body, work and success, money, relationships, passions, happiness, love, life, nature (planet Earth, air, water, and the sun), material goods and services, any subject of my choosing.

Once I count my blessings I should feel happier, and the happier I feel is a measure of how grateful I am. The more grateful and happier I am the more my life will change and see my “blessings magically multiply!” (Byrne 2012)

  1. I am truly blessed to have my husband in my life because he makes me laugh at myself when I’m taking myself too seriously.
  2. I am so grateful for my current job because it frees up my mind from job stresses so I can focus on school.
  3. I am really grateful for school because it has taught me so much about art and my own artistic abilities.
  4. I am grateful for my health because it is teaching me how to keep moving and making more healthy changes in my life.
  5. I am grateful for my co-workers because they fill the day with a lot of laughter and silliness.
  6. I am grateful for my home because it gives Mike and I space but is also cozy enough to call it home.
  7. I am grateful for drawing because it helps me relax and free myself of rules and regulations.
  8. I am grateful for Sarah and Tina for being my best friends and cosmic sisters and telling me the truth when I need to hear it.
  9. I am very very grateful for my parents living in Pooler because I enjoy being around them.
  10. I am grateful for people who are patient with me because they are truly amazing people.