Tag Archives: creativity

I feel you, and it hurts

YesI love this quote. Because it is exactly my life. All the time.

I love how a necktie on a mannequin can inspire a color palette for a design idea. I know (and so does Mike) that I’m most likely going to break down into tears overwhelmed by the beauty/stillness/sadness/love/passion in paintings when we visit art museums. I am way too happy to walk the aisles of the linen section feeling the blankets, testing for the ultimate in softness. I accept that I can get overly happy for others I barely know because they’re excited about something wonderful happening to them. It’s weird; but it’s fun being joyful like that.

Sadly, there is a dark side to being so sensitive. Every good thing about being highly sensitive ying yangs with something not as inspiring or happy. There is an exhausting, depressing, harmful side that when unchecked can take me down a rough road. Because being this sensitive is my life, it is a constant struggle to balance the beautiful inspiration everywhere and feeling everybody’s everything. It’s exhausting because this is my life all the time.





So when things hit the fan, I have to be careful. Or down the yellowed with grime brick road I go. I still struggle to protect myself from “bad energy” (I hate using quotes as if it’s just a metaphor for something that’s not really true). This last week was a doozy energy-wise.

I finally had to check myself because I could feel this pull – exhaustion, feeling sick, struggling through the brain fog. I checked in with a friend, too, who understands my sensitivity all too well. We agreed that I was not protecting myself from negative elements around me.

My friend and I had lunch. He got me soup. It’s over 90 degrees right now in Florida. But that soup was life giving. It was like eating soup when you have a bad cold, shivering with fever. It fills you with warmth. I swear my friend put a dose of healing energy into that soup too. He’s cool that way; magical even. By the time we broke to go back to work I felt much better. He helped me get some clarity, release the monkeys I was trying to corral, and embrace the only monkey I have ANY control over: Me.

Then I had 5 days to myself. Five glorious, detoxifying days to myself. I feel so much better. Mentally/emotionally it was easier to maneuver in life today. I’m still grateful for being able to feel the texture of colors and see music. But I am grateful to have a friend (friends) who help me realize when I’m spiraling, when I don’t need to know something because it really doesn’t have anything to do with me, and encourage me when inspiration strikes. Because, for all the bad of sensitivity, there is the beauty. I choose to embrace the beauty as much as I possibly can.


Week 2: Feeling Keyed up

I don’t like feeling keyed up. In fact, the things that make me anxious often tend are things that make me physically uncomfortable. I don’t mean, “my pants are too tight” uncomfortable, but the “I should never have lit that candle because the smell makes me want to barf and I have a head ache now and I want to barf and I’m dizzy too which also makes me want to barf” kind of uncomfortable.

I know I’m not going to barf, but the feeling that I’m out of control of how I’m feeling. The nice thing is that just admitting it makes me feel a little better. That, and I’m going to go to bed in a little less than an hour. I’m wiped.

Why did I light that dang candle? Oh that’s right, in the New Age store it was touted to inspire creativity to the sufferer smelling it. It’s not outside on our porch. I’ll let the creatures of the night take it away – maybe a possum or one of the two strays we feed will want it to decorate their hidey-holes. I will never light that dang thing again. Now I remember why it was sitting in the corner of a room collecting dust – blech!

I was creative before I light the candle. I’ve been pretty busy today. I had two projects to turn in. I was messing around with the background of the calendar I was trying to make. That’s it below. The only piece that’s mine is the bust of the Madonna and Christ child. The sugar skull painting, which I love is one I found on Pinterest.com. I ended up with another background altogether – the guy with the umbrella. The illustration came from The Graphics Fairy (LOVE her vintage graphic stock!). I don’t know why I am stuck on using vintage pictures in the background. But that’s what I ended up with.

Untitled-2  wdeckermiller_pBp1

















What a day. I’m terribly glad its over. One day down, five more to go and then there I can relax. Until then I will soothe my anxious soul with school work, work work, and flipping between Breaking Dawn 1 & 2 and Veronica Mars Season 2 – I know, I know, don’t judge me. I am mentally ill after all.

Day 1 of “The Magic”

Day 1 Count Your Blessings

Every day I should wake up and count my blessings (or do it as soon as I possibly can). “You will have heard people say to count your blessings, and when you think about the things you’re grateful for, that’s exactly what you’re doing” (Byrne 2012). Okay. I agree, it is pretty good practice to be grateful for the things and people you have in your life. Being grateful for what I have has made me less “needy” for other things. I feel more content with my life and I’m happier.

When you’re grateful for the things you have, no matter how small they may be, you will see those things instantly increase” (Byrne 2012). This is where my skepticism kicks in, what I’m going to have to fight if I’m going to really give “The Magic” a shot. I’m very grateful for my furkids but I don’t really want any more of them right now. Four is enough!

Today’s instruction is  to count my blessings by writing out a list of things I am grateful for; it is suggested that I keep all my gratitude in one place. That’s not really explained, but maybe I’ll transfer my gratitude list from this post to my journal. I’m also instructed to explain why I’m grateful. So I need to write a list of 10 things I’m grateful for and why. Then after I’m done writing my 10 things I should read them aloud or in my head. At the end of reading each blessing I need to say or “think thank you, thank you, thank you and feel the gratitude for that blessing” as much as I possibly can (Byrne, 2012).

I can also feel more gratitude by giving thanks to “the Universe, God, Spirit,  goodness, life, your greater self, or any other concept” I am drawn to (Byrne, 2012). (This is the second part of my skepticism I have to shed. I’m not one of those people who believe that we all need to believe in God, but I have a hard time seeing Universe, Spirit and my greater self on the same level as God. Again, that is a personal thing.) Byrne writes that when we direct our gratitude towards something we will feel our gratitude even more, and our gratitude will have more power, and “create even more magic!” (2012).

Every day for the next 27 days I’m to add 10 more items to my list of things I’m grateful for. This will help me recognize all the things I have to be grateful for. There is a list of “Magic Gratitude Subjects” to help me get started. They are: health and  body, work and success, money, relationships, passions, happiness, love, life, nature (planet Earth, air, water, and the sun), material goods and services, any subject of my choosing.

Once I count my blessings I should feel happier, and the happier I feel is a measure of how grateful I am. The more grateful and happier I am the more my life will change and see my “blessings magically multiply!” (Byrne 2012)

  1. I am truly blessed to have my husband in my life because he makes me laugh at myself when I’m taking myself too seriously.
  2. I am so grateful for my current job because it frees up my mind from job stresses so I can focus on school.
  3. I am really grateful for school because it has taught me so much about art and my own artistic abilities.
  4. I am grateful for my health because it is teaching me how to keep moving and making more healthy changes in my life.
  5. I am grateful for my co-workers because they fill the day with a lot of laughter and silliness.
  6. I am grateful for my home because it gives Mike and I space but is also cozy enough to call it home.
  7. I am grateful for drawing because it helps me relax and free myself of rules and regulations.
  8. I am grateful for Sarah and Tina for being my best friends and cosmic sisters and telling me the truth when I need to hear it.
  9. I am very very grateful for my parents living in Pooler because I enjoy being around them.
  10. I am grateful for people who are patient with me because they are truly amazing people.