Part 1: What Happens When You Don’t Believe Anymore?

Episcopal Church in Bluffton, SC 1854

Episcopal Church in Bluffton, SC 1854

Something is missing in my life. I haven’t been to worship in a couple of years. I miss it.

I’ve questioned a lot. Do I believe what mainstream Protestant churches teach? Or do I believe my interpretation of the New Testament and Jesus’ teachings?

What I do believe: God is HUGE. God is infinite in love, understanding, and forgiveness. God has no gender and no race. God is not human. God is. I’m only human. I’m not able to wrap my mind around the concept of God other than the feeling of love and grace I feel when I pray, worship, forgive and be forgiven, see kindness, get a hug, give a hug…

God is without limitations. This is what I believe. What happens when what I believe goes against what mainstream Protestant churches teach? Where do I go when I feel that I  am limited at church because I am a woman? Because I am a woman with no children? Because I’m not domestically inclined in any way?

One of the reasons I left church was because of its sudden turn towards limiting roles women could play in our church. Suddenly our sermons went from challenging and uplifting to all about women who have chosen poorly, fell into prostitution or drug abuse, but found Jesus and returned home to loving parents. Participation in church relegated me to two choices: taking care of children or volunteering with the elderly. This wasn’t a small church either. It was, for our town, a mega-church with many ways to get involved. These were the two choices offered to me.

When I delve into my core beliefs I do not feel guilty for believing that women and men are equals in church leadership, in household leadership, or in their communities. I’m frustrated that in 2014 (soon 2015) Christians and other religious institutions are still teaching that women are lesser than. How can my God who created both men and women in God’s own image agree with this?

Genesis 1:27 “God created humankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.”

And this is just the tip of the iceberg on the questions.



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