Picture from 23 Undeniable Signs that You are an Assistant (http://www.buzzfeed.com/mackenziekruvant/23-undeniable-signs-youre-an-assistant). I also fit the bill for numbers 2, 3, 7, 12 and 17. However, #5 should be rewritten, at least for me, “They have anxiety every time I leave my desk” which is why I fit #8 so perfectly and why today’s phone call transcript fits the picture to the left. In general, I do hate people.
My morning work phone call…
Me: Good morning. Thank you for calling the Center for Leadership and Service, Multicultural and Diversity Affairs and Off Campus Life, this is Wendi.
Caller: OH MY GOD! I’m trying to reach the Off Campus Life and I get this.
Me (keeping that smile in my voice): Yes, ma’am, I answer the phone for three offices including Off Campus Life may I –
Caller: OH MY GOD I can’t believe I cannot get the Off Campus Life.
Me (smile fading, but hanging in there): Ma’am you have reached Off Campus Life, may I transfer you?
Caller: Yes, yes, I need to speak to the Off Campus Life! (I transfer her. They are out of their office doing preview tabling for incoming freshmen so it goes to voice mail.)
Me: Good morning. Thank you for calling –
Same Woman: OH MY GOD I am trying to reach the Off Campus Life and I keep getting you.
Me (smile clinging to my voice for dear life): Yes, ma’am, I am the secretary, I answer the phone for –
Caller: Why is it I keep getting you when I am trying to reach the Off Campus Life?!
Me: Ma’am, you have reached Off Campus Life. The staff is out of the office right now they are at –
Caller: No, I am trying to speak to the people! All I am getting right now are the machines, the machines and no people. You need to let me speak to the people who know how to help me because my daughter is trying to come to school and needs to have a place to live and we need to talk to the Off Campus Life.
Me (forget the smile now): Ma’am, I am trying to help you. The Off Campus Life staff are at Freshman Preview helping other new students find housing. If you would let me –
Caller tries to interrupt but I plow on ahead
Me: As I was saying, if you would let me transfer you to their voicemail, they will return your phone call as soon as they come back to the office.
Caller: Yes, I need the people who know what they are talking about to help me.
Me (smile totally gone right now): Yes, ma’am and they will help you but you have to let me transfer you to their voicemail so they know that they need to call you and help you. They are not in the office right now but they will be here today in an hour or so and they WILL call you back but ONLY if you let me transfer you to their voicemail. Okay?!
Caller (smugly): Yes, do this transfer to the voicemail and they will call me back because I need housing for my daughter…
Me: I’m transferring now…(click transfer button, dial extension, hang up) Bitch.