Crazy Dream Recap: I Cougar Daniel Radcliffe

I made the lovely switch from bad dreams to overall weird dreams. Last night’s dream was a doozy. Daniel Radcliffe, better known for his work as Harry Potter, was actually the real Prince of Wales.

daniel-radcliffe1Oh yeah, so far this dream is looking good. I know that he’s only, what, 20-years-old, but he’s legal and he’s hot. He’s hot, look at those eyes! Or look at him here:

daniel-radcliffe-wallpapers-pictures-10

 

 

 

 

So he’s a bit younger in the second picture but still super cute. As one friend said, “A dream with Daniel Radcliffe? Yummy!”

Anyway, Daniel was the Prince and married to Kate Middleton. 130532-kate-middletonBut the palace knew that she needed a stand-in, you know in case Tom Cruise decided to kidnap her (see Suri Cruise Body Double). Side note: Kate is not pregnant in my dream and I am not married. We’ll get revisit both of these subjects soon

Since I’m the spitting image of Kate Middleton and totally British, the Palace calls me in. Makes complete sense and wow, a chance to hang out with Daniel! Sure, I’ll take the job!

So Daniel and I jet around the world doing humanitarian work and going to movie premieres. He’s a wonderful host and a fabulous faux-husband. And everyone thinks I’m Kate. The plan is working! Daniel tells me what life is like living in the palace. Kate teaches me how to be a princess. It’s really an amazing time for all of us. We’re all friends, not just the Palace and me, employer and employee.

When I’m not holding hands and being embraced by Daniel or getting princess lessons from Kate (who has, after a certain amount of time but since it’s a dream time means nothing, told me that I’m her best friend) I’m hanging out with my burly British boyfriend who is a rugby player. rugbyplayerFunnily enough, he doesn’t look too much different from Mike. Because for all intents and purposes, the rugby player (I have no idea who this guy is but was the best representation of the guy in my dream that Google had to offer) has the same hair as Mike. We’re not married. We’re serious and in love but because we’re British (?) and he’s a rugby player and I’m Daniel’s faux-wife we’re not getting married any time soon.

After some time Daniel and I are pretty close and one morning I feel pretty sick. Kate tells me that she’s not feeling well either and we discuss whether or not she’s pregnant. I guess that’s because she’s married and I’m not or whatever dream rule belongs here. But I’m still thinking about it. So I take a pregnancy test and sure enough I’m preggers!

But who’s baby is it? Ruby player Mike or Prince Daniel? Well, it turns out that even though I don’t remember an intimacy it turns out to be Prince Daniel’s baby and not Rugby Mike’s. I feel bad, of course, but Ruby Mike is excited and for some reason he is okay that it’s not his and honored that Prince Daniel is my baby daddy.

Kate, on the other hand, is really not pleased. I can’t imagine why. I basically stole her spot as Prince Daniel’s wife and her role as Princess of Wales (or whatever the heck her title is) and now I’m having her baby.

When I finally wake up from this dream I’m feeling a little bit of guilty pleasure from having supposedly scored with Daniel Radcliffe and that people mistake me for Kate Middleton; but I’m freaking out because I’m pregnant! Keeping with the sleep walking trend I’m in my room and I say, out loud to no one but I’m slightly delirious and think I’m talking to Daniel and Kate, “I want a paternity test so my baby will know where he comes from.”

It’s at this point that I wake straight into a full blown panic attack because I’m pregnant! OMG I’M PREGNANT!!!! I stand in my room, heart racing, cold sweats. I’m not sure when I finally wake up and come to my senses but when I do I got back to bed. Before I tell Mike my latest crazy dream, he puts his hand right on my belly and I kind of freak out and tell him, “I’m sorry I got dream pregnant with Daniel Radcliffe, but you and I were only dating!”

Mike’s used to all this by now and he just shakes his head and tells me to go back to sleep.

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Me and Mike…you know, Kate Middleton and Burly British Rugby Player

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