Almost two years ago I tried to do grad school. Psychology. I thought it would be really great but I ended up hating it. It took so much time away from everything else I really enjoyed. I was so stressed out that I made myself really, really sick for like six months. I lost a ton of weight (which has all come back, boo) and I was miserable.
I knew I had to try school again, but I knew it had to be something more me. Creative, get your hands dirty, doing instead of just reading and reading and reading horrible case studies about psychosis. Gah, I hated reading those case studies and all the statistics, it was so dull! Sure it would have been sort of cool to have a “Masters in Psychology” but that’s just a title if you hate it, right?
Art school, on the other hand, has been challenging. Twice this quarter I have had temper tantrums. But with the support of my husband, my two best friends, and my parents, I got through it. And I liked it. I should post a picture of my keyboard. It’s one of those nifty, aesthetically pleasing Mac keyboards, all white and silver. Well, it used to be all white and silver. The most used keys are now stained gray from when I used my fingers to smudge the charcoal on my projects and then typed. eep I’ll take an eraser to it and see if that works.
The difference between school last time and this time is that I feel like I’m actually accomplishing something. That what I’m doing is going to get me where I want to be. Right now I’m waffling between graphic designer and commercial photographer. Oh man, I would LOVE to be a fashion and accessory photographer, except I’d hate shooting all those super skinny girls. I’d want to force cookies on them… Anyway, I digress. This time school feels right. Temper tantrums and all, it feels right.
Okay, gonna need a lot of prayers for this one.
copyright w.decker-miller 2011
My prof’s feedback was cryptic about my finished project. I got a bit mad because I’ve had to ask him repeatedly for specific feedback. All this drawing technique stuff is new to me and I don’t always understand. Also, his grammar and punctuation skills are worst than mine. So it makes his responses to me even more cryptic.
Pretty much hinges on this project. I’m barely scraping by with an 81.74%. I need a B to maintain my scholarship and grant. If I can’t keep my scholarships I won’t be able to continue taking classes. Government loans won’t cover all of my tuition.
What bothers me the most is that a drawing class might keep me from reaching my goal of taking photography classes.
Okay, well, I can’t worry about what might happen. This is one of those instances where I have to let go and let God, right? I’ve learned a lot about myself this semester. Maybe that’s something I needed to learn while taking this class, not just the drawing technique, but I needed to learn about me.
After I posted the next step of my final project for class, I got a message that I interpreted wrong. I thought for sure I would have to start over. I left a message for my professor asking if I should start over and he said, emphatically, no! Just to keep going and press on. So I worked on the poster but I need a bit of a break. I have charcoal up and down my arms, covering my fingers and hands. It’s kind of cool.
My first semester in art school has been pretty rough. One of my classes is Drawing I. I can’t draw. I’m extremely uncomfortable with the medium; and to make matters worse, I have to get a B or better in my class to keep my scholarship, which pays most of my tuition. Without the scholarship I will have to drop out of school because I can’t afford it.
copyright W. Decker-Miller 2011
This is a work in progress (wip) for my final project. It’s supposed to be still life. My original idea was too advanced for my limited skills. My next idea was deemed too boring. This set up is probably the 25th version of my still life set up. And it still needs another sphere, according to my professor.
I’m finding that technical drawing, which is basically what Drawing I is all about, is much like math. Concepts. You do this to get this result. Line of sight, depth, it’s all geometry. I got straight D’s and the occasional F in my geometry class. Heck, I made mostly D’s in all my math classes. The concepts don’t click in my head. Sometimes the concepts do click in my head but then there is a disconnect between what I understand the execution of what I know (see that lens?).
It’s frustrating getting through this class. I mostly understand how it will help my photography knowledge but when I consider tuition and that scholarship and how I’m just borderline B/C, all I can think is, “I hate this class and it’s stupid and it has nothing to do with my photography!”